"The Power of NO"
By Cameron Dunlap
"No" is one of the shortest yet
most powerful words in our vocabulary. It's one of the first words
we hear as an infant when our parents try to keep us from harm and
we hear it every day til the day we die.
Somewhere along the way "no" got a
bad rep. We've come to think that "no" is exclusionary,
rather than inclusive. "No" seems to shut down
interaction with others. "Can I have a puppy?
"No."" "Do you want to go out Saturday night?
"No."" "Boss, can I have a raise?
No!"" "No" means "no" and
"no" is BAD!
Or IS it?
Let's look at the word from the perspective
of the listener first, then from that of the speaker. If we can
attain some mastery of the word we may find that we acquire a new
ability to use it to create the life we want. Instead of being a
"negative" or "downer" word, maybe
"no" can be a potent "power word". Read on and
you'll see what I mean.
The word "no", as it pertains to
Real Estate Investing, is of particular interest. When you are
doing the business correctly, making lots of offers to buy, you
hear "no" often. You hear "no" far more often
that you hear "yes" whether you're buying Junkers or
Pretty Houses. Hearing a seller say "no" is a normal
part of our business. We hear it every day. In fact, we should
hear it even more than we do.
Our business is a numbers game. You'll
average 10 to 20 offers for every Junker
you buy. That's 9.5 "no's" for every "yes".
With Pretty Houses you can expect an average of 2 to 5 offers per
Pretty House that you buy. Factors such as your experience level,
self-confidence, preparedness, etc. will affect these averages.
The offers you are making will have a lot to
do with the averages. Are your offers realistic? Are you making
multiple offers? Are you following up on your offers even if the
seller has said no? (The last factor may be the most important
all!)
It's no problem to deal with "no"
right? It's a normal part of your business and you can handle a
little rejection, right? You hear "no" all the time and
are trained to deal with it. Right? Hmmm...I'm not so sure. When
we hear the word "no" it is one of the purest forms of
rejection you'll ever endure. Rejection is hard to take because it
gets personal. We think the "no-er" is rejecting US.
Everyone has some fear of rejection, everyone.
What often happens is that, even though you
think you're tough and you can handle it, you get so sick of
feeling rejected that there is a drop-off in the number of offers
you make. Your numbers dwindle until you eventually quit making
offers altogether. You may not even be aware it's happening until
you wake up one day and realize you haven't bought anything in
weeks.
This sometimes leads to a full-blown case of
"Gotta-do-a-deal-itus" wherein you knowingly pay too
much for a property. (At least the seller didn't say
"NO"!) This is a tragic, knee-jerk response to the
situation that can have a devastating impact on your business.
Though you tell yourself you're strong and
that you would never succumb to such a fate you may be in a state
of denial. Perhaps your subconscious is insulating you from the
discomfort of failure without you even knowing it.
How could that happen? Your subconscious is
clever and capable and can invent very justifiable reasons why you
are not making offers. One of its functions is to help you feel
good about yourself. For example, do you ever give yourself
reasons or excuses why you're not doing what you know you need to
be doing? If so, this could be your subconscious at work behind
the scenes.
Many of us truly believe in our heart of
hearts that the reason we are not more successful is because we
have other priorities that stand in the way. In reality it is a
powerful fear of rejection that stands in the way. This fear can
be so strong that our subconscious, which is ultimately there to
protect us, steps in and seduces our conscious mind with all sorts
of falsehoods. This way, at least we can still feel good about
ourselves, or at least not worse.
If this is happening to you, be aware that
this is an entirely normal and predictable reaction to feeling
rejected. It is extremely common and may well be the greatest
single reason for failure in this business. Also know that if this
is happening to you, you're most certainly NOT in control of your
life, and it is control of your life that you're after or you
wouldn't be in this business.
You may be saying to yourself, "I'm
glad this psychobabble doesn't apply to me". But let me ask
you a question. Are you doing the deals you need to be making the
money you want? Are you where you want to be with your Real Estate
Business? If not, why not? Be careful, you could be in denial.
Yep. You could be so strongly hypnotized by your excuses and
rationalizations that you're not even willing to consider that you
are in denial.
If you are not doing what you want to be
doing, if your business is not as prosperous as you want it to be,
a simple fear of rejection could be stealing your dream. Maybe it
would be a good time to have a long talk with your self.
Think about it. It's easy to look at
yourself in the mirror and say: "The reason I'm not more
successful in the Real Estate business is "because I am too
busy", or because I'm unlucky" or "because I'm too
young" or "because I'm too old" or "because I
need more education" or "because of this or that or the
other thing". These excuses make
you feel better because they get you off the hook.
On the other hand, it's NOT easy to look at
yourself in the mirror and say: "The reason I am not more
successful in the Real Estate business is because I have a
paralyzing fear of rejection" or "when a seller says
"no" to me I take it personally and I can't handle
it." The truth sometimes feels like a punch in the stomach.
Sadly, it's easier and less painful to take
the easy way out and cling to our excuses. Ironically, when we
soothe ourselves with excuses it's simply our subconscious at
work. It protects us from pain and it allows us to believe that
our excuses are valid. This is going on in the deep in the
background of our subconscious. Isn't it amazing that this
life-dampening, success-threatening conspiracy is going on in your
head without your knowledge or permission?
When it comes to the all-powerful
subconscious, there is only one thing you can do. You must train
it to do the things that propel you to achieve your goals, and
only you can do that. Think about it: it's your body, your mind,
and your future. If you want to succeed, YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. If
you don't train your subconscious, you will be in shackles your
whole life. You'll never get what you want and you'll never
understand why things "didn't turn out right". With the
unlimited opportunities that surround us, the vast majority of
Americans are imprisoned because they never learned how to train
their mind.
So, how do you tame our subconscious and
break though our fears? How do you wrest control of your life from
foolish thinking? You need FOOD. Yes, "food". I'm not
talking about Big Macs or celery. I'm talking about BRAIN FOOD!!
You need to feed your brain a solid diet of healthy food. I am
talking about thinking positively, using affirmations, listening
to good information on tapes or CD's, reading books and articles
that inspire you, focusing on your goals, and directing your
thinking.
You have to say no to Brain Junk Food. Brain
Junk Food is your negative thoughts, the negative people around
you, brainwashing by the media, and mind-numbing TV, to name a few
examples. Anything that goes into your head that does not have a
positive effect is Brain Junk Food. You must avoid it at all
costs. You must ruthlessly cut it out of your life liker cancer
from your body. You cannot afford the luxury of being lazy about
this!
Years ago I read a book called "You
Can't Afford the Luxury of Another Negative Thought" by Peter
McWilliams and Jean Sedillos (Prelude Press, ISBN: 0931580579)
that really helped change the way I think. I give most of the
credit for my success to my subconscious because it has steered me
right, kept me motivated, and been a source of strength over the
years. Here's why: I have been very careful in what I have fed my
mind, and you should be too. It only takes a marginal shift in
your current habits and attitudes to start training your
subconscious mind to be a source of strength and power. Remember
that if you want change in your life you must change what you
think. Change what you are feeding your brain, face your fears and
overcome them, and then redesign your life so you can live the
lifestyle of your dreams.
Now, about using the word "no" in
OUR vocabulary: Using the word "no" requires skill and
courage. Think about this: when was the last time you agreed to do
something that you knew, even as you as you were agreeing to do
it, you didn't want to do? Perhaps I should ask how many times
TODAY. It's hard to say "no". It's easy to say
"yes". "No" invites conflict and
disappointment. Saying "yes" makes others happy,
especially when we have a sense of responsibility to the person
asking us.
"No" is a word reserved for the
empowered. "No" requires a sense of self-confidence
strong enough that if the other person feels rejected, it doesn't
affect you. The skill required to use "no" comes once
you've achieved some degree of success. As you achieve your goals
and gain confidence, you find it easier to say "no". If
"The Power of "no"" is utilized by successful
people, perhaps it can be used as we BECOME successful, too!
Saying "no" is a subtle yet
extremely powerful way of exercising control over your life. When
you begin to enjoy the freedoms of success you will find yourself
saying "no" and being empowered by it. When you're
operating from a position of strength as opposed to a position of
weakness you can do what you want, when you want, and
"no" becomes an increasingly important part of your
vocabulary.
If growth comes from letting go, then you
can't grow until you let go of what is holding you back. And you
can't let go of all the unnecessary details, unwanted commitments,
and unwelcomed entanglements of life until you can say
"no".
The key is to begin exercising control over
your life NOW. No matter what level you're at or where you plan to
go, the sooner you start letting go and saying "no" the
sooner you will achieve your goals.
To which parts of your life can you apply
this thinking? To which requests, invitations, and questions
should you begin saying "no"? I bet there are a number
of things.
If you find yourself saying "yes"
while thinking "no" and then not doing what you said you
would do you're life will be riddled with guilt and regret. That,
my friend, is one of the greatest maladies you can have. Not doing
what you said you would do is the surest route to failure and
dissatisfaction.
I measure the character of those around me
by their ability to do what they said they would do. People who
can say "no" when it is appropriate rarely fall victim
to this form of character blight. Those with weak character say
"yes" when they mean "no". Those of strong
character say "no" when they mean "no".
So, you see the word "no", as tiny
as it is, is truly one of the most powerful words in our
vocabulary. Mastering its use is a goal worthy of your attention.
Whether we are hearing it or saying it, "no" is a word
that can make the difference between success and failure.
Cameron Dunlap
Creative Real Estate Entrepreneur Since 1993
Nationally Known Real Estate Trainer Since 1995
Founder of http://www.CameronDirect.com
A free resource for Creative Real Estate Entrepreneurs |
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